So close but yet so very far away...

Losing R totally to a combination of my mother and just my plain rotten luck has been the biggest setback my heart has ever faced. There have been times when I have felt like dead inside, unable to comprehend having a heart and feelings inside after that dreadful day in November 2006. But life goes on. I have tried to move on but this stupid heart is still stuck back in time. After that many things have happened. I am much married and hmm happily so...but still nothing affects me as much as R does to this date. I am delighted about how she has grown out of the past and embraced her life. * touchwood* I am delighted about it but deep down it hurts so bad being treated like stray dog. Yes I know I deserve it but in reality the pain is just too much. I know I can or rather I should just be able to be like R and just be able to take the past as a joke to move on with my life. In my superficial and visible life thats what I have been doing but in my private world there is lot of pain and I just felt I should blurt it out here instead of bother R and taking her precious time which can be used for her for her careers, her relationships & her likes. Yes it feels bad to be marginalised and treated as a milestone but I deserve it and I will accept this as I screwed up big time that November 2006 day....